critiques

The feedback I recieved today was helpful becuase the person I traded with told me to be more detailed about my feelings throughout my story, this feedback helped me becuase it made my paper longer and more personal. It also helps paint a picture in the readers mind so the relationship is deeper. The goals for this artist statement is to wow Randy and anyone else that reads it. I am proud of the relationship I have showed so far but I want people to get more than that from my paper.

Super Woman
One hot summer day I was in my room playing with my fat cat with the door closed, from the living room I could hear my moms new CD blasting the words “I keep on fallin’ in…and out of love with you” I opened my door wanting to hear the song better, speed walking into the living room I sat on the couch listening closely to her words with such power and love. As a singer I wanted to be just like Alicia Keys memorable and giving by helping the world become a peaceful place. I was raised by a hard working single mother like Alicia keys, her mother was an actress and paralegal, on the other hand my mother was recently divorced , raising two kids and had just earned her bachelors degree in science. I remember living in homeless shelters and in our family car, but as a child I was naïve to all the poverty and financial instability because my hard working mother loved me and showed it and that is all that mattered back then. Thinking about it know I am worried that will be my future, but I will only allow my past be a lesson and not a reality for the future, reflecting on my past I am thankful because it only taught me to do better for my family and to stay strong and positive no matter what I am going through. Like Alicia Keys I had an absent father in my life, my mother was raped at the age of eighteen and had me when she was nineteen, however Alicia Keys parents just spilt up but she still was on good terms with her father. I grew up not realizing that something was missing in my life until the age of eleven. Just noticing that race was a huge thing in my life, I grew very jealous of my younger half sister for being half white and half black and grew up hating the fact that I never got to see my father’s face. I feel when I become a parent I would like have a feeling of independence and leave my kids with a feeling that I am a strong woman, but I would like to have a husband to help me throughout our children’s lives and let them know that we believe fully in their dreams and goals and they are more important than anything in the world. But I feel it does not matter how many parents you are raised by or which one, it matters if their presence is felt in a positive way and they make it aware to you from a young age that they are there for you and will always be. Just like Alicia Keys mom and my mom.